


When The Moon

by mafiia



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sonic Forces, just some stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 11:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15906963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mafiia/pseuds/mafiia
Summary: Met the sun, and he looked like he was barely hanging on. All the talks and the comforts, the remedies a lover tries; because maybe they could take away the despondency in his eyes.





	When The Moon

Five twenty in the morning was when the sun made itself known and lapped at the crevices of an old window. Sonic was always long awake beforehand to catch it.

 

Today it was an hour before, to be exact. The bedroom had still been dark then, and the only sound heard was the persistent whir of the box fan from across the bedside table. Sonic had woken up with a start, the beat of his heart racing in time with the dribbling thoughts leftover from his dream. Same as it ever was, this routine--- he followed the motions and counted backwards from ten. Steady breathing, easy presence. Easy does it. He squinted slowly, rubbing away the sleep from his eyes with a trembling hand.

 

It hadn’t been the best sleep he’d ever had, but it never was these days. Disjointed and usually prematurely ended, slumber was no longer something desired, but tolerated at best. He was sure he would avoid it all together if he could, but his body complained loudly in the form of aching joints and crippling headaches when he tried.

 

So at least there was the sun. Always something warm and familiar to greet him in the lost hours of the morning, he had begun to memorize the way it’s rays filtered through the windows and into the room. It licked at the walls and the ceiling, enveloping everything in its path with a gentleness. When it reached him, he always welcomed it. Bones that still felt like they were in the process of waking up shifted and worked together to move him forward in the bed, so he could be closer to the warmth. His jaw tilted upwards, and his eyes closed.

 

“How long have you been awake?”

 

The voice cut through the lull of the fan so sharply. Sonic slowly took in a breath, only to exhale through his nose. 

 

“...Just a li’l while. Maybe a half an hour.” More than that. “I ain’t been keepin’ track.”

 

“Mm. I see."

 

Sonic hadn’t bothered to move from his spot. He knew well that Shadow would make himself comfortable, and it only took a few moments to prove it so. The feeling of the duvet being tugged and pulled against his legs was a telltale sign that Shadow had climbed onto the bed. He sat beside him, watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee in his left hand. The mug met his lips, and Sonic cracked open an eye.

 

“Do you work today?” He asked.

 

“I don’t. I like to wake up early regardless, as a means to maintain my schedule.”

 

 _‘Of course he would,’_ Sonic thought. _‘He’s always so organized. I wish I could be like that.’_

 

A bit of silence leveled between them, leaving Sonic to his thoughts once more. It was a mess, trying to piece together how his day would go about whilst trying to remember details on his dream prior. But Shadow’s presence was a comfort. It always was, and he found himself slowly tilting to the side. A peach toned cheek squished against Shadow’s shoulder, and in response he used his free hand to stroke through Sonic’s quills.

 

“You know,” Shadow began, all the while staring out at the array of colors overtaking the sky. “This is the third time I’ve caught you up so early this week. I appreciate your sudden interest in the sunrise.”

 

Sonic pushed further into his lover’s side. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, further enough, he could hide forever in him. “Three seems unlikely. You’ve worked almost all week.”

 

“No I haven’t. I believe your concept of time is a bit skewed.” He took another sip from his coffee. “But that is besides the point. Do you remember when we first started going on runs together?”

 

_‘How could I forget? We used t’ do it every weekend. Ya said I was the first person t’ actually ask to spend time with you on a normal basis that wasn’t Rouge.’_

 

“Yeah. I remember.” Sonic settled for a short answer.

 

“I always loved doing that.” Shadow replied. He hummed in thought afterwards, continuing to course his fingers through blue quills. They were a bit mussed. “When we left early, I always saw such a clear view of the sunrise. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen on this planet.”

 

He looked down, and a soft smile met his lips. “I appreciate you for showing that to me.”

 

Appreciation. Something Shadow seemed to mention often, but it felt so far away to Sonic, so _god damn_ far away because he couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of deserving it. It was easier to feel that way than to explain it, though.

 

“I’m glad t’ hear that, Shadsy.” 

 

It was hard _not_ to notice the way Shadow was looking at him. Sonic scrunched his nose and wriggled closer, trying to bury his face against his boyfriend’s stomach. He felt mousy, as if he were under a _microscope_ with the way those eyes calculatingly searched his own. The words self conscious bubbled in his head.

 

And the sun was easing into the day. The light that once all but tumbled into their bedroom had started to recede now, so it could shed itself elsewhere. Sonic immediately missed the warmth, and couldn’t help but feel a bit pathetic about it all. 

 

“...I just didn’t get to when I was in there, y’know.” He whispered. It was almost impossible to hear, so much that Shadow had leaned closer. His ears swiveled forwards.

 

“What?” He inquired.

 

“When I was with Eggman.” Sonic spoke. “For those six months, not once did I get t’ see the sun. Not even a glimpse. It was just me, my cell, ‘n’... lots of dark nights.” And his thoughts. But they were never good company, even if the only company he was ever in. 

 

Shadow was quiet, and Sonic felt like he had shot himself in the foot. Because speaking about it had always seemed so forbidden due to the invisible walls he had built in his own head, but it was like a switch had been turned on, and they were coming down. No, _crumbling_ down, and he had no control. Sonic hated having no control. Suddenly, everything threatened to hit and rattle the cage. 

 

“And it sucked,” He blurted, sitting upright. Shadow’s arm had moved, but he didn’t notice. Autopilot was on, and he couldn’t find the brakes. “It sucked real bad. My entire life I’ve been dealin’ with Eggman, but never _once_ did he catch me. Never beat me or managed t’ kick my tail t’ the curb, but this one time. This _one_ time it was different, and how many people died because of that? How many innocent people were lost because I wasn’t strong enough?”

 

Gaia, he must’ve been exhausted. He couldn’t picture himself infodumping like this otherwise. The demand for sleep knocked at the back of his eyelids, and his heartbeat felt just like it had when he’d woken up a few hours ago. So much had started to happen at once, but he kept talking anyways. And Shadow listened.

 

“Y’know what it felt like?” He said. His voice trembled slightly. “It felt like Station Square. Or Central City. All the times I ain’t been fast enough.” He lifted his hands to agitatedly rub at his face. He was laying all of his cards out on the table now, but it still felt like a one player game.

 

“An’ and ain’t like I can just...talk about it, yeah? Because they need me.” _‘They all do’,_ he thought. _‘They’ve always needed me.’_ “And what kinda hero breaks down like that? I can’t let ‘em see me weak again. Especially not Eggman. If it were to happen again---” He broke off to scrub at his forehead. Afterwards, his eyes centered on the bedside table and stared distantly. 

 

“If I let my guard down again...then I dunno what would happen.”

 

Shadow was still listening. Sonic hadn’t even glanced at him this whole time.

 

“I don’t know if...he’d let me live, y’know? I’ve never been sure of that. And the thought of that....i-it ain’t scary because I’m afraid of death, but it’s...y’know. Leaving you guys behind. And...”

 

Something wet had pronounced itself on his face. Sonic clutched his left hand with his right and held tightly, grounding. Because he was about to need it.

 

“Sonic...” There’s that hushed tone. Somewhere behind the sound of his shaky breathing, he heard the mug be placed on the bedside table.

 

There’s a tightness in Sonic’s chest, one scalding and compact, and it’s all it takes for him to crack. Tears had welled up in the corner of his eyelids, his breathing caught, and everything started to speed up. Sonic the Hedgehog didn’t cry, he told himself. He just _didn’t,_ but here he was, a blubbering mess. His cheeks were hot as he lifted both hands to try and haphazardly wipe at his face. 

 

“I-I’m sorry,” He muttered. “I’m so sorry Shadow. I’m sorry I-I never told you, an’ I’m sorry I failed. I’m sorry it still hurts, ‘m sorry I’m weak---" 

 

He felt as if he were a child again, sitting there crying like he was. He pinched his fingers against his cheeks and shook his head back and forth, attempting _(and failing)_ to calm down.

 

But if he was going to cry at all, it might as well be in Shadow’s embrace--- that’s what he figured anyways when he so suddenly felt two arms slide around him. One made home in his quills while the other found his back, rubbing comforting circles in place. 

 

“Sonic. It’s okay,” Shadow said sensibly. His voice was calm and collected, and somehow everything Sonic needed to hear. He sniffled, unattractively wiped the drool from his face, and proceeded to curl into his boyfriend’s chest.

 

Shadow may have been infamously quiet. Most assumed he never had much to say, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He was just tactical, always picking and choosing the right times to speak. _‘Always so organized’,_ Sonic remembered. But something about the way he was right now...

 

“You are alright,” Shadow whispered. He pressed his chin atop Sonic’s head and let out a sigh. It shook, and Sonic couldn’t help but notice. “You are alright. Everything is alright. I forgive you, if that is what you’d like to hear. Although I don’t think you even owe me an apology.”

 

_What?_

 

“What?” Sonic inquired muffledly, moving to glance up from his retreat of fluff. 

 

“You have given so many things to this world. Far more than you ever needed to.” Shadow began traversing his way through his thoughts, and it was made apparent by the expression on his face. “At the end of the day, you are just one person. I could never fault you for your mistakes, because you tried first, and that is what matters. You are _so_ caring. You could _never_ hurt anyone on purpose, certainly not me.”

 

Before Sonic could protest, there was a warm palm pressed against his face. A thumb swiped away and blobbed at the tears, and it took all he had left not to summon forth an encore. He settled for more sniffles instead. 

 

“So it’s alright. You are safe now, and you should let someone else protect you for once.” Shadow tightened his other arm around Sonic, as if a way to say _‘I’m here. I won’t let go.’_

 

Sonic wobbled and heaved a sigh. His body seemed to just...let go, then. All of his weight was pressed into Shadow, and the mercenary held it without any problem in the world. In fact, it felt as if he welcomed it. The two sat there together like that for quite some time, tangled in each other’s presence as the sound of Sonic’s crying slowly faded out alongside the sunlight.

 

Whatever plans Shadow may have had for the day had now since been forgotten. He stayed where he was, as if he were a guard watching his post. He only seemed to move for bathroom breaks or to collect food, and despite how boring it all was and how minutes seamlessly melted into hours, Sonic...didn’t mind. It was the first time in a long time he felt genuinely calm. Like the outside world was so far away from the both of them. They were locked in time here, and finally Sonic had good company.

 

And when the moon made itself known, it was nine twenty at night. Sonic had barely been awake to catch it. 

 

From his spot against Shadow’s chest, the view was something undeniably comforting. He blinked slowly, trying so hard to fend off the creeping need for sleep his body so desperately urged. Something about the moon was so nice. So bright. He could stare at it forever.

 

But with Shadow here, he figured, he’d have plenty more times to indulge in such a moment. Sonic closed his eyes and steadied his breathing.

 

He was asleep within minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> To me, Forces was an alright game. Not outstanding, but not horrible either. However, my main gripe will always be that Sonic's supposed 'torture' was never discussed, or even accurately portrayed. I guess this fic was me trying to do that for them, using experiences with my own PTSD.  
> Sonic's a complicated guy. It just takes the right kind of person to break his thoughts down. Shadow's that person.


End file.
